I am Tired.... I Need a Vacation
Lucky for me, we have one coming up this week!! Not soon enough, though! I want it to be right now! I need a break - mentally, physically and emotionally from my life. Not to say that my life is really all that difficult. I realize how blessed we are... But that's not to say that I don't struggle with things. Kayla is growing up more and more each day... and I can't keep up with her changes! It seems like just yesterday she was unable to roll over. Now I really can't leave her alone anymore... she has learned to climb up things (couch, babygate, etc):
and in things (behind the love seat):
and get into things (um, we forgot to close the downstairs bathroom door... and I heard silence in the other room, which is always a bad thing. Yeah, she was playing with the water in the toilet and put toilet paper in her mouth - awesome).
She is constantly harassing Wesley:
and I need to break them up.
I would like to have a little break from the physical aspect of motherhood.
Mentally and emotionally.... I'm just tired. I tend to worry about things too much, and as much as I try not to, I often get overwhelmed by things that shouldn't overwhelm me. Planning a vacation should be fun, not stressful.... and while we are leaving on this vacation in a few days, we are already trying to plan 2 more, and thinking about several more in the future (um, like next summer). Now, I love to travel and enjoying visiting family and friends. But traveling takes a little bit out of you. So the planning part stresses me out a little, and then the actual doing of it stresses me out a little. I need to just stop thinking and start enjoying.
After our vacation in April, I realized that I really won't ever get a "true" vacation, seeing as how my job is to watch Kayla, and I'll still be doing that so long as Kayla comes with me! However, that trip helped me realize that I need to verbalize (to David if no one else) what my needs are, and make sure that I am taking care of myself, and not falling into the trap of taking total responsibility of her. It is hard for me - I know her best, and she looks to me for comfort. But that doesn't mean that David, or our families don't WANT to take on some of the responsibility and help me out. But I need to be willing to give up that control. On my most recent trip in May, I was able to get more of a break from her because I was able to verbalize my needs. I am hoping that trend continues! I am hoping that I will feel refreshed after our trip, and that I am able to get a break from Kayla so that when we come back I am feeling excited about having her to myself each day! We'll see. For now, I'm worried about laundry and packing! :) Pray for me!!!!