David, Lisa, Kayla & Isaac

I am still trying to process that news, even though I've known about it for the last 10 weeks. I figured I should write down my thoughts and feelings on the matter so I can one day look back at it!

I am a planner. Before we wanted to start having children I read a book on fertility. I planned what month I would want to have a baby in, and worked backwards to figure out when we should start trying. I knew people with infertility issues and I knew that was something we might have to deal with. I did everything possible to make sure we had the best chance possible to conceive quickly. Of course, you never know when/if that will happen. But Kayla was very, very planned. Isaac was very planned as well. After having 2, David and I talked about if we wanted to have another child, and we were torn. Part of me could easily see our family of 4 as complete. And part of me would be sad that we never tried for a 3rd. In some ways, after having Isaac, it was quite an adjustment to having a newborn again. We were nearly out of diapers, out of the pack n play and other large toys (swing/exersaucer/etc) that you have, nearly out of napping.... and then you start all over again. That was tough for us. We went from being able to go out anywhere during any time of the day and most likely being ok.... to having to schedule around feedings and nap times again. It was hard. The thought of having to do that again was overwhelming. David said that if we decided to have 3, he'd like the 2nd two to be closer than Kayla and Isaac (who are 31 months apart). But we were nowhere near ready to think about that or have a discussion about that. We were instead discussing what it would look like to move across the country and start over (with a new job, new location, new friends, new church, etc)!

Well, Easter weekend David got a job offer in NC that he accepted. We lowered the price on our house and did an Open House the following Sunday. This young couple came through, came back to the Open House with one set of parents, and was knocking on our door at 7:30 that night asking if the other set of parents could come through. They put in an offer the next day, and after we countered, they accepted at nearly full price (from what we had just lowered it to). This was truly amazing. Within 10 days, a miracle happened. A new job and a sold house - simply a miracle. We had done a lot of thinking and praying about whether this move was right, and this was a clear sign that God agreed.

The afternoon of our accepted offer I started feeling a bit sick. I had been handling the pressure of everything that was going on really well, and I assumed that my body was finally letting me know all of the tension it had been holding in for the last bit. But then all day the next day I felt a bit sick. And then the next day too. And I thought, "Hm, THIS is awfully familiar." And so we bought a pregnancy test. You know, to either confirm that I was crazy, or to confirm that we were crazy! And well, of course it came back positive. The funny part is that I was joking earlier that week with friends that I was pregnant, because I thought I was a bit late this month. However, I'd only had 2 periods since having Isaac, so it's not like anything was consistent. When the test came back positive, I had seriously no idea when my last period was and therefore no idea how far along I was. And we were moving across the country... in less than 2 weeks.

I felt totally irresponsible. I felt like I was a high schooler who just got pregnant by her boyfriend. I mean, I have 2 kids. Clearly I understand how things works. And they were both so well planned. What happened? How could we let this happen?! I was on birth control! We were being careful! The reality is that the timing of everything was just so clearly God's timing, that what can I say? Obviously this child is planned by God. It was not my plan to be pregnant while moving, to be sick and puking and exhausted when I should be packing and staying up late. It was not my plan to be sick and exhausted when we first moved to a new area. I had hopes of running around the neighborhood with David, of getting out and about and meeting some other moms, of having energy to DO things. And, nope. I have none of that. No motivation, no energy. It was not my idea to have a baby due Dec 26. David’s birthday is the 23rd and I would never have planned it to have a child born right around then. Not that there is anything wrong with a Christmas baby, it just wouldn't have been my choice. But, again, this is not my choice. This is God's choice. And how can I argue with that?! God is being so faithful to us in so many other ways right now, this is just another way that He is blessing us. I am doing my best to view this as a blessing. And in the long-term, I know this baby will be such a blessing. I am excited about that. Like I said, we hadn't even had the discussion of if we were going to try for a 3rd. Now that discussion is irrelevant. David got his wish; this baby will be about 21 months younger than Isaac. If we had waited until we were ready to have a #3, they would not have been nearly as close.

And there are so many other blessings. Yes, I'm sick and exhausted. But I am living with my in-laws and have been able to get some extra help with the kids during the day that I never would have when living on our own. Yes, we are going to have 3 young kids, but we just moved close to family who will be able to help us out when needed.

I am about 16 weeks pregnant right now, and there is not a day that goes by where I don't think, "Oh my word, I'm pregnant! How did this happen?! What we were thinking?! How am I going to handle 3 littles?! I wasn't sure I even WANTED to be pregnant again!!" But there are some nice things too. When I was pregnant with Isaac I would ask David if this was my last pregnancy. Would I ever experience this again? And we didn't know. Now I KNOW. THIS IS MY LAST PREGNANCY!! Enjoy it while I can, because I'll never experience this again! Also, rejoice knowing I'll never experience this again!! :)

This pregnancy started off ROUGH. I was sick and puking and sick and puking, and it was horrible, just as my pregnancy with Isaac. But, where with Isaac I was sick until week 23, I really only puked until week 12 this time. And I'm still not 100% feeling normal, but I'm not nearly as nauseous as I had been, thankfully. That is helping making things much more manageable. Now, if only I could find a little energy and motivation!!

Posted by Lisa at 11:10 PM | Permalink

We had just gotten back in town from our vacation in MA the weekend of the 4th. Sadly, it rained on the 4th, canceling fireworks. But, we went out to dinner, did some sparklers outside, and still had a good time!

Then, on the 5th they had the rescheduled fireworks and we went to the fairgrounds and enjoyed seeing them! Isaac was mesmorized by them and Kayla loved them too!

A few nights later we did some small fireworks outside the house and again, the kids loved them!

Posted by Lisa at 05:00 PM | Permalink

Ok, forget about catching up.... that didn't happen. I promise I will do that some day... but meanwhile I have to start getting myself up to date. So, here goes.

I knew moving would be hard. I knew it would be sad. What I didn't realize was how long it would take me to feel this way. This last week has been really, really hard for me. In many ways, moving here has been like a vacation. Everything happened so fast! We had to pack up our entire home, make arrangement for all of our stuff, say goodbye to friends in a matter of a few weeks. It was crazy. Also, I learned I was pregnant and started feeling sick, and of course tired. So, add that to everything else that was going on and life was a bit insane. I felt like I was getting ready for a vacation, a very long vacation. I said my goodbyes, but it didn't feel real to me. I knew there was a time when I would be really sad, but minus a few brief moments of sadness, I really didn't cry. Which, frankly, is amazing. I'm an emotional person, and I'M PREGNANT, therefore am typically extremely emotional. But, I chose to kind of ignore those emotions I guess, for my own self preservation, and knew that I would deal with them at a later time. Well, that later time is now. I just came back from a 2 week vacation in MA, and I am starting to realize that life down in NC is now my life, and not just a temporary thing. And I'm sad. Really, really sad. Unfortunately, while in GR I would often go weeks, months even without seeing those who I consider my closest friends. But it was no big deal. We'd see each other and catch up and we picked right up where we left off. I've been down here now for about 8 weeks I think, and I'm starting to realize that I'm just not going to see those people soon. And that makes me so sad.

The transition to living with my in-laws has gone better that I'd thought. It's still living in someone else's house, and it's hard is some circumstances for us (and for them I'm sure!). But honestly things are going great. My kids are loving having family close (real close right now!). Kayla has a new best friend, Uncle Brian. She would follow him to the moon! And it is just FUN having them involved in my kids lives. That's why we moved down here - we wanted to be near David's siblings, and their (eventual) families.

But I am lonely.

It started out when a friend posted a picture of her girls on Facebook. I nearly broke into tears because they already looked different than when I saw them last. I've known these girls since they were born, and would see them on a weekly basis for the last 7 years. And now, I'm no longer a part of their lives. I won't see them in person for who knows how long. And that broke my heart. Kayla misses them too and keeps asking me if I've given them directions to come and visit us. Break.my.heart.

I talked to my babysitter this week, one of the only people who I ever left my kids with other than family. We sort of have built in babysitters right now, since we're living with family. But it makes me sad that she will never watch my kids again. I didn't have to tell her what my kids needed to eat, didn't have to explain their routine to her.... she'd done it enough that she knew. And she loved them like they were part of her family. And I can't imagine trying to find someone like that again.

And I feel trapped here. There are spaces in the house that are totally baby-proofed and we can have lots of fun playing. But I want to get out of the house. I want to call a friend and meet them at Meijer Garden. And even though I'd barely be able to have a 30 second conversation before we each head in a different direction chasing a child, it would still be connecting and still be somewhere for me to go. I miss my weekly mom's Bible Study and the women I've come to know and enjoy. I miss going to the Y and seeing the familiar Y childcare workers... and getting a break from the kids while working out. I miss the Children's Museum, where I knew the layout and what my kids enjoyed and what I could expect. Since we've moved down here it's been in the 90's almost every day. It's like too hot to go outside and play at a park during the day. I feel like I don't have anywhere that I can go... there is no familiar MG, or museum, or park, or mall play area that I can go to. I can get to the grocery store and Target without a GPS, but otherwise, I have no idea where anything is.

And I feel like life is on hold right now. We are actively looking for a house right now. But we are looking in a whole bunch of different areas in about a 30 min radius, so it's hard to know exactly where we are going to end up. I really haven't had the energy to try to make friends, nor did I have the need for it... I was too busy trying to survive the 1st trimester. But now I want to start to make connections. But how? I've done a little browsing the internet looking for some churches to visit. I know that we will try to get connected there and will meet people there. But again, I want to find a church close to our house, and since we don't know exactly where we will live.... I know I want to get involved in a mom's Bible study, but most take a break for the summer. Plus... where are we going to live? It would be nice to have that be at either our church, or a church nearby. I need to enroll Kayla in preschool. It starts in either late August or early Sept. Either way, I'm like 6 months behind in registering her. I'm sure I will be able to find a place that has an opening, but I don't have the time/energy to search for one when I don't know where exactly we are going to live. Noticing a pattern here?! :) And, I haven't searched for a pediatrician yet either, because I want to find one relatively close to our house. I did find myself an OB, but it hardly feels like an accomplishment when so many other things are going on.

Anyway, now I'm just rambling. But, I've been dying to get this off my chest and into this blog. I feel like reality hit me this week, and it hurts. I don't regret our decision to come down here, but it's hard. I knew it would be hard, and it is. I've shed a lot of tears this week and I know there are a lot more to come. Someone told me that it takes 1-3 years to really get adjusted to living in a new place, so at only 2 months into it I know I have a lot more to go.

Posted by Lisa at 11:13 PM | Permalink

Grandpa Thorn had his 80th birthday this June and we made the trip to DE to go to his party! We also got to see Pop-pop and Lilly and Grandma, so it was nice to see the extended family! (Below is a 4 generation picture of the Kenneth men, and then a picture at the party. This picture was taken right after Kayla told G.G. Jim that he was "as old as a dinosaur (thank you, Uncle Brian!!!!)).

After the quick weekend trip, the kids and I headed up to MA to start our vacation. David headed back to NC with the rest of his family and worked for 1 more week before joining us. I would not say that traveling by myself for 8+ hours with the 2 kids is ideal, but it honestly went as well as I expected. Kayla was a great helper and enjoyed singing Psalty with me and chatting, and was a good helper in trying to keep Isaac happy. Isaac was as happy as could be expected, which means he was mostly happy (but of course when he was unhappy there was much screaming and very little I could do about it).

While there I enjoyed some time to myself. I did a lot of internet research on houses and school systems and figuring out where we'd like to live. The kids enjoyed playing with grandma and grandpa! One day we went strawberry picking and Isaac ate strawberries for the first time!

David flew in town the next weekend. It was good to have him with us again! We missed him :) David and I took advantage of this time and spent a night away from the kids (my first night away from Isaac!!). We went up to the cottage for a day/night and had such a great time. We had a picnic dinner with take-out seafood from Pops and enjoyed walking and talking and eating without having to worry about the kiddo's. It is such a rare treat for us to do something like that, and it really is a treat! The next day we enjoyed sleeping in and then went and climbed Mt Major. This is something I did all the time growing up and something David and I have done together each time we've been up to the cottage. We wanted to try to have the kids climb with us, but wanted to make sure it was something they could do before we tried it with them! After climbing we went out to lunch on the Lake and then headed back to the cottage for an afternoon nap! We soaked up all of our time to ourselves and hope that we are able to do short get-aways like this more in the future.

That afternoon my parents drove the kids up to the cottage and we all stayed there for a day. We enjoyed doing sparklers, taking a canoe ride, and playing on the beach.

Then, my parents headed back to MA while we stayed at the cottage with just the 4 of us for a few days. It is so relaxing up there, and even though it is less relaxing when you have 2 littles, it was still a really enjoyable time for us. After David and I did the climb, we decided Kayla could handle it (and of course Isaac would be carried), so the next day we decided to do it. We were not even 10 minutes into the climb before Kayla needed to stop for a rest and to take a drink and have a snack! We knew it would be tough, but I was expecting more than 10 minutes from her! There were a few times on the way up that I really honestly thought we should never have done this! But, once we started up we really wanted to teach her a lesson about perseverance and about not-quitting and how there is a reward at the top! We enjoyed singing the Psalty songs about climbing a mountain "one Step at a time" and the part of the song that says, "I can climb a mountain when I'm 4, even 3!!" But, the last 10 minutes of the climb was accompanied by Kayla's tears and cries and "I want to go home! I'm tired! I want to take a nap! I don't want to do this anymore!" and David kind of dragging her up the last part! Thankfully, the top was so beautiful that Kayla was happy to be there (I’m not sure we was happy that we made her keep climbing, but at least she did enjoy the top!). The best part, though, was the climb down. Kayla held David's hand and they basically ran down the mountain! She was laughing and squealing with joy! She loved it. They would stop and let me catch up and she would hide from me and then pop out and say "Boo!" and laugh some more. It was a really fun trip down!

Our last night in NH we went to dinner at David’s cousin Adam’s house. We had a great visit with their family (their kids Ava and Aaron are similar to in age to Kayla and Isaac). Of course I didn’t take any pictures of this, but we all had a great time!
We headed back to my parents house for a few days before making the trip back down to NC. We made a trip to Kimball's for ice cream and some other fun! We rode the bumper boats, Kayla got to ride a pony and of course the best part - the ice cream!

Then we started our long drive down to NC. We had planned to do the drive in 2 days and so we left around 10am. However, once we got in the car and saw how much shorter the trip was than we expected (more than 100 miles less than we thought it would be), we decided to do it in 1 day so we could have an extra day to just relax. We made it back to NC right around midnight. It was a long day, but a good day. Here are some pictures of the kids and a hilarious video that shows how we roll! It was a great vacation - we are glad we went!

Posted by Lisa at 05:00 PM | Permalink