So.... We're Having Another Baby!
I am still trying to process that news, even though I've known about it for the last 10 weeks. I figured I should write down my thoughts and feelings on the matter so I can one day look back at it!
I am a planner. Before we wanted to start having children I read a book on fertility. I planned what month I would want to have a baby in, and worked backwards to figure out when we should start trying. I knew people with infertility issues and I knew that was something we might have to deal with. I did everything possible to make sure we had the best chance possible to conceive quickly. Of course, you never know when/if that will happen. But Kayla was very, very planned. Isaac was very planned as well. After having 2, David and I talked about if we wanted to have another child, and we were torn. Part of me could easily see our family of 4 as complete. And part of me would be sad that we never tried for a 3rd. In some ways, after having Isaac, it was quite an adjustment to having a newborn again. We were nearly out of diapers, out of the pack n play and other large toys (swing/exersaucer/etc) that you have, nearly out of napping.... and then you start all over again. That was tough for us. We went from being able to go out anywhere during any time of the day and most likely being ok.... to having to schedule around feedings and nap times again. It was hard. The thought of having to do that again was overwhelming. David said that if we decided to have 3, he'd like the 2nd two to be closer than Kayla and Isaac (who are 31 months apart). But we were nowhere near ready to think about that or have a discussion about that. We were instead discussing what it would look like to move across the country and start over (with a new job, new location, new friends, new church, etc)!
Well, Easter weekend David got a job offer in NC that he accepted. We lowered the price on our house and did an Open House the following Sunday. This young couple came through, came back to the Open House with one set of parents, and was knocking on our door at 7:30 that night asking if the other set of parents could come through. They put in an offer the next day, and after we countered, they accepted at nearly full price (from what we had just lowered it to). This was truly amazing. Within 10 days, a miracle happened. A new job and a sold house - simply a miracle. We had done a lot of thinking and praying about whether this move was right, and this was a clear sign that God agreed.
The afternoon of our accepted offer I started feeling a bit sick. I had been handling the pressure of everything that was going on really well, and I assumed that my body was finally letting me know all of the tension it had been holding in for the last bit. But then all day the next day I felt a bit sick. And then the next day too. And I thought, "Hm, THIS is awfully familiar." And so we bought a pregnancy test. You know, to either confirm that I was crazy, or to confirm that we were crazy! And well, of course it came back positive. The funny part is that I was joking earlier that week with friends that I was pregnant, because I thought I was a bit late this month. However, I'd only had 2 periods since having Isaac, so it's not like anything was consistent. When the test came back positive, I had seriously no idea when my last period was and therefore no idea how far along I was. And we were moving across the country... in less than 2 weeks.
I felt totally irresponsible. I felt like I was a high schooler who just got pregnant by her boyfriend. I mean, I have 2 kids. Clearly I understand how things works. And they were both so well planned. What happened? How could we let this happen?! I was on birth control! We were being careful! The reality is that the timing of everything was just so clearly God's timing, that what can I say? Obviously this child is planned by God. It was not my plan to be pregnant while moving, to be sick and puking and exhausted when I should be packing and staying up late. It was not my plan to be sick and exhausted when we first moved to a new area. I had hopes of running around the neighborhood with David, of getting out and about and meeting some other moms, of having energy to DO things. And, nope. I have none of that. No motivation, no energy. It was not my idea to have a baby due Dec 26. David’s birthday is the 23rd and I would never have planned it to have a child born right around then. Not that there is anything wrong with a Christmas baby, it just wouldn't have been my choice. But, again, this is not my choice. This is God's choice. And how can I argue with that?! God is being so faithful to us in so many other ways right now, this is just another way that He is blessing us. I am doing my best to view this as a blessing. And in the long-term, I know this baby will be such a blessing. I am excited about that. Like I said, we hadn't even had the discussion of if we were going to try for a 3rd. Now that discussion is irrelevant. David got his wish; this baby will be about 21 months younger than Isaac. If we had waited until we were ready to have a #3, they would not have been nearly as close.
And there are so many other blessings. Yes, I'm sick and exhausted. But I am living with my in-laws and have been able to get some extra help with the kids during the day that I never would have when living on our own. Yes, we are going to have 3 young kids, but we just moved close to family who will be able to help us out when needed.
I am about 16 weeks pregnant right now, and there is not a day that goes by where I don't think, "Oh my word, I'm pregnant! How did this happen?! What we were thinking?! How am I going to handle 3 littles?! I wasn't sure I even WANTED to be pregnant again!!" But there are some nice things too. When I was pregnant with Isaac I would ask David if this was my last pregnancy. Would I ever experience this again? And we didn't know. Now I KNOW. THIS IS MY LAST PREGNANCY!! Enjoy it while I can, because I'll never experience this again! Also, rejoice knowing I'll never experience this again!! :)
This pregnancy started off ROUGH. I was sick and puking and sick and puking, and it was horrible, just as my pregnancy with Isaac. But, where with Isaac I was sick until week 23, I really only puked until week 12 this time. And I'm still not 100% feeling normal, but I'm not nearly as nauseous as I had been, thankfully. That is helping making things much more manageable. Now, if only I could find a little energy and motivation!!